Some people feel uncomfortable when engaging with coworkers and acquaintances with disabilities. The discomfort comes from well-meaning individuals who want to be inclusive, which means they overcorrect and actually create awkward situations. However, there’s no reason to be standoffish. People with disabilities are just that – people – and they want the same thing as everyone else: respect.
Follow these basic etiquette guidelines to show your respect and create a welcoming environment.
1. Make eye contact and acknowledge people with disabilities
Respect starts by acknowledging people with disabilities. Make eye contact and ask the person how they are doing. Too often, people with disabilities are ignored outright by others who are afraid of saying something offensive or making a social faux pas. A smile and a nod can go a long way.
2. Speak to the person directly
If the person you are trying to communicate with has a parent, friend, or aid with them, don’t try to speak through this third-party individual. Ask questions or make comments directly to the person with the disability. The aid or interpreter will jump in as needed.
3. Let people with speech or language disorders finish their sentences
When talking with someone who has a speech or language disorder, be patient. It may take a little longer for them to finish their sentences, and that’s okay. Don’t feel the need to jump in and finish the sentence for them.
4. Ask to offer assistance and respect the answer
Communication is the foundation of respect. Instead of making assumptions of what someone can do or what they need, ask them. Offer assistance before you jump in to help. This includes carrying items, walking around, speaking for someone, reading for someone, and completing any other day-to-day task. Respect the answer if the person declines your help.
5. Respect bodily autonomy
You likely have your own preferences for when and where people can touch you. Some people don’t like hugs or try to avoid contact with strangers. Do not touch someone with a disability without their consent – even if you think you are helping them.
If they give you permission to help them, you can practice basic consent etiquette by saying what you are going to do before you do it (this will also make your assistance more effective because both parties will know what is going on).
6. Do not pet service animals before asking the owner
Service animals are on the job. They are working and they aren’t there to socialize or receive pets. Always ask before petting or touching a service animal in any way.
This is also good etiquette when meeting non-service animals for the first time. Not every dog or cat is friendly and they might not respond well to your touch.
7. Adjust your posture and eye level
If you are speaking with someone who uses a wheelchair, try to find a place to sit down to meet their eye level. Standing creates an unintended power pose where you require that person to look up to you. While you might not be able to find a chair every time, try to find places to sit if you plan to have an in-depth conversation.
8. Use people-first language
There are two ways to address people with disabilities:
- People-first: a student who is deaf, employees with disabilities
- Identity-first: a deaf student, disabled employees
Practice using people-first language within your community. This is respectful because a person is more than their disability. A student isn’t just deaf. They are also pre-med or applying to law school or proud to attend a certain university. Consider the person before the disability.
9. It’s okay to ask someone how they want to be addressed
While leading with people-first language is important, you can also ask someone how they want to be addressed. Some people prefer to have their disability named first as a way to take back the term. They see identity-first language as a way to make disabilities more visible in their communities.
Ask how your friend or coworker wants to be addressed or the terms they use for their disability, then respect their language preferences.
10. Avoid negative language
Negative language adds limiting or derogatory connotations to the terms people use. For example, the phrase, “confined to a wheelchair,” uses negative language because it implies that the person using the wheelchair is limiting or suffering because of it.
Instead, look for positive phrasing that highlights the value assistive technology provides. The phrase, “uses a wheelchair,” is better because it describes how a person navigates the world with the help of this device.
Other terms like, suffering and victim are also considered negative language because they lessen the quality of life that a person with a disability experiences.
11. Don’t ask intrusive questions before you establish a friendship
While some people try to ignore disabilities as much as possible (even using terms like handi-capable to diminish the realities of using a wheelchair), other people dive right in and ask questions about the disability. These can be uncomfortable and intrusive, especially if two people don’t know each other that well.
Unless you have an established friendship, avoid intrusive questions about a person’s disability. By the time you have a friendship, you should know whether such a question is okay.
12. Don’t make someone an ambassador for their community
Even if your questions or comments aren’t intrusive, they might not be welcome. A person who is blind can’t speak to the same experiences as every other blind person in the world. They also don’t want to answer a dozen questions about what experiencing blindness is like – especially if multiple people ask these same questions each day.
Not every conversation you have with a person with a disability needs to be about the disability.
13. Do not place people with disabilities on a pedestal
People with disabilities do not want to hear how brave you think they are. They don’t want to be told how they are heroic or how they are overcoming so much. Heaping piles of praise on someone just because they have a disability is uncomfortable and makes them feel singled out.
Your goal as a respectful communicator is to avoid making people with disabilities feel like they are separate from the rest of society.
14. Don’t tell someone how they should think about their disability
People with disabilities do not want your medical advice. They don’t want your thoughts on how they should behave or what they should think socially or politically. They probably don’t want your thoughts on their disability, either.
15. If you make a mistake, apologize and move on
You will make mistakes when speaking with people with disabilities. Apologize and move on. This is a learning process for you and you are actively taking steps to improve your communication and inclusivity. There’s no need to dwell on the faux pas or over-apologize.
Also, don’t argue with someone if they try to correct your language or preferred terms. Avoid making excuses for your error. Mistakes happen. It’s what makes us human.
Help your employees practice disability etiquette
While this guide provides a list of best practices, the basic idea when speaking with people with disabilities is to be respectful. Think about how you want to be treated in most social situations and understand that other people have similar preferences and boundaries.
At Accessibility.com, we have several resources for teams who want to make their workspaces more accessible. Start with our glossary to have an on-hand reference for which terms are considered offensive and which words you can use instead. Then look into our accessible customer service training program to help your employees better engage with customers. This has been adapted for virtual customer service teams to help your company assist customers of all backgrounds and needs.
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